i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh god it's open bar.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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