I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
