his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
