My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
