so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
