We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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