I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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