quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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