Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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