Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
