i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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