You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
