I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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