Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
