I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
