i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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