i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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