Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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