i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
home. puking in laundry basket.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You made out with two different species that night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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