I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
