Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
