When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
