i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize