I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
