Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
