i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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