and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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