man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
