I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
