I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
