you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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