He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
