i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
