How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
