I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
