Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize