I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
