Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
