I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
