How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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