I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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