He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
