like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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