Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
