....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
