I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
