Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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