I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
