I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
