You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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