..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
