In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
did you just send me my own nude
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
