k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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