At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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