WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize