I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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