she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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