my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
