i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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