Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
