am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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