Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
